This weekend was a long-planned group getaway to my father's cottage on an island in a large bay three hours' drive north of the city. I and my friend RK managed to get away on Thursday, giving us an extra day to prepare for the larger group who arrived the following day. On Friday evening RK made a huge batch of pasta while I ferried to the marina to retrieve the rest of the group: P&P, their two sons, and my friends BG and LS.
I think Saturday was actually an absolutely perfect day, perhaps the first one I have experienced in my life. We woke to a scrumptuous feast of bacon, eggs, toast, strawberry pancakes, hash browns, all served and enjoyed under the bright sun at the picnic table in back of the cabin.
After breakfast my friend and cottage neighbour DP arrived as planned to help us launch the sailboat, which had not been on the water since the summer before last, and which was filthy with dead leaves and similar sludge. With four guys we managed to get it in the water, and I paddled her out and attached her to the mooring in the middle of the bay behind our cottage.
While we were doing that, the girls were cleaning up from breakfast and preparing for lunch. We packed a picnic and drinks and headed out in a small convoy (one motorboat and one Sea-doo) for a really fantastic spot nearby with a couple of beaches as well as cliffs you can jump from.
It would be as impossible to list all the fantastic moments we had at the beach as it is turning out to be to quantify how this was a perfect day. As we arrived and unloaded, we encountered a tiny snake in the water who would return in the second act.
After we unpacked our coolers and blankets and set up camp on the beach, the recreation started out with a little hike up to the cliffs where the bold among us jumped into the water from some great and some moderate heights, and the more timid and/or responsible hiked back to the beach.
The fun continued back on the back as we swam back and rejoined the group. I took P&P's son N for a spin on the Seadoo which I guarantee he shall not soon forget, he was mesmerised from the first seconds. When we returned we met and made some new friends among the other beach-dwellers, including the brother of one of the mainstays at the marina, and then an odd but pleasant father-daughter pair and her friend. We finally left the beach but the fun was only beginning as we took the convoy back to the cabin. On our way back I took N on the Seadoo and we stopped at the neighbours and invited them to come visit us for a cocktail.
When we got back we watched the second half of the quarterfinal in the European cup soccer game and then bathed in the glory of our situation as BG and others prepared dinner. Our neighbour TF came over with his son-in-law and his friend and joined us on the porch for a nice cocktail hour conversation.
The sunset was off the charts gorgeous and to top it off, PH tracked down a space station which happened to be transitting our hemisphere and we lay collectively on our backs, mesmerized by the technological marvel.
It really was a perfect day, I need to maybe work on the narrative of it because it does not do it sufficient justice. I have gotten a series of messages from the guests who were there on the weekend and particularly PH, whom I adore to the end of the earth, and whose affection brings tears to my eyes, particularly because it is so genuine and also so directed as just what it is about me about which I am the most proud. Her message to me this morning moved me to tears when she said:
P went to bed crying, he had such a good time and he did not want the weekend to finish. Thank you again, you have such a big heart.
Monday, June 25, 2012
Friday, June 22, 2012
Confidence in the Corner
One of the unanticipated delights of the transformation into a confident man for me has been the affect it has had on me as an ice hockey player. It is perhaps illustrative of any and all aspects of my life but it is a particularly interesting one for a number of reasons.
I have always been a fairly average player and played a fairly unobtrusive role on my teams, both on and off the ice. But in the past few months I have watched a change come over me: I take more chances with the puck for example. And I know why I did not before, I always had a feeling that not only was I likely to make an error but that everyone knew I was not very good and they were all sort of watching me. That feeling was so fundamental to my game for so many years that I did not really even know it was there until after it was gone.
And the transformation does not stop on the ice. In the dressing room I have become more of a leader, a conversation starter a decision maker. Again I had always taken a secondary or even tertiary role, and had not really noticed the fact or knew why. It is only by taking an active and a leadership role that I now even recognise how passive and meek I had been before.
I have always been a fairly average player and played a fairly unobtrusive role on my teams, both on and off the ice. But in the past few months I have watched a change come over me: I take more chances with the puck for example. And I know why I did not before, I always had a feeling that not only was I likely to make an error but that everyone knew I was not very good and they were all sort of watching me. That feeling was so fundamental to my game for so many years that I did not really even know it was there until after it was gone.
And the transformation does not stop on the ice. In the dressing room I have become more of a leader, a conversation starter a decision maker. Again I had always taken a secondary or even tertiary role, and had not really noticed the fact or knew why. It is only by taking an active and a leadership role that I now even recognise how passive and meek I had been before.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
All over the world
Everybody all around the world
I gotta tell you what I just heard
There is gonna be a a party all over the world
I got a message on the radio
Where it came from I don't really know
And I heard these voices calling all over the world
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Thursday
I woke up this morning before my alarm which is customarily set for 6 am.
I went downstairs and prepared for my shower and showered and upon leaving ran into my rent-a-roommate CVR who was heading out for the day.
My other roommate N had apparently stayed out last night, likely and hopefully at her boyfriend's, and as I was leaving I offered A a ride to the underground train which she declined on account of wanting to spend more time drying her hair.
At work I spent most of the day preparing my office and the equipment therein for the imminent relocation of a pair of staff members from another office which we have to vacate before the end of the month. I had an afternoon meeting with LB to continue our ongoing project of "rebranding", at a pub near her house. I arranged to meet my friend P there as well, as I was handing over to him my truck which had been made redundant by a purchase of a brand new, sexy vehicle last month.
The meeting with LB went well although we had a couple of beers and quickly got sidetracked by a more general agenda and neglected the specifics. And P showed up and joined the party and we carried on a bit longer than I had anticipated, which carried me almost to the time I was to be at my friend C's improvisational comedy show. I had an hour to kill so I popped in to an indie kind of bar near the comedy club and had a couple of pints. I met the bartender girl and then a couple of girls Sherry and Agnes there and ended up joining them for my second pint and chatting with them.
And soon enough it was time to see the show, and as is customary it was quite spectacular and I chatted with some of my new friends at the bar afterward.
I went downstairs and prepared for my shower and showered and upon leaving ran into my rent-a-roommate CVR who was heading out for the day.
My other roommate N had apparently stayed out last night, likely and hopefully at her boyfriend's, and as I was leaving I offered A a ride to the underground train which she declined on account of wanting to spend more time drying her hair.
At work I spent most of the day preparing my office and the equipment therein for the imminent relocation of a pair of staff members from another office which we have to vacate before the end of the month. I had an afternoon meeting with LB to continue our ongoing project of "rebranding", at a pub near her house. I arranged to meet my friend P there as well, as I was handing over to him my truck which had been made redundant by a purchase of a brand new, sexy vehicle last month.
The meeting with LB went well although we had a couple of beers and quickly got sidetracked by a more general agenda and neglected the specifics. And P showed up and joined the party and we carried on a bit longer than I had anticipated, which carried me almost to the time I was to be at my friend C's improvisational comedy show. I had an hour to kill so I popped in to an indie kind of bar near the comedy club and had a couple of pints. I met the bartender girl and then a couple of girls Sherry and Agnes there and ended up joining them for my second pint and chatting with them.
And soon enough it was time to see the show, and as is customary it was quite spectacular and I chatted with some of my new friends at the bar afterward.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
How to be a Class Act
When I first moved in to my apartment about a month ago, I noticed this tattered sheet of paper stuck up on the refrigerator with a magnet. It was entitled "How to be a Class Act" and it listed ten tips along with some details and examples.
How to be a Class Act
1) Live by your own highest standards.
2) Maintain dignity and grace under pressure.
3) Focus and improve the behavior of others.
4) Operate from a larger, inclusive perspective.
5) Increase the quality of every experience.
6) Counteract meanness, pettiness, and vulgarity.
7) Take responsibility for actions and results.
8) Strengthen the integrity of all situations.
9) Expand the meaning of being human.
10) Increase the confidence and capabilities of others.
How to be a Class Act
1) Live by your own highest standards.
2) Maintain dignity and grace under pressure.
3) Focus and improve the behavior of others.
4) Operate from a larger, inclusive perspective.
5) Increase the quality of every experience.
6) Counteract meanness, pettiness, and vulgarity.
7) Take responsibility for actions and results.
8) Strengthen the integrity of all situations.
9) Expand the meaning of being human.
10) Increase the confidence and capabilities of others.
Monday, June 4, 2012
Project weed and the power of mindful presence
While J and I were engaging with T and the tap dancing video show, her husband S was marshalling a crew for our planned sailing trip the following day. J and I had slipped into the back yard at one point and sampled some weed that T had provided us with earlier in the day and I was feeling pleasantly spacey. At some point I went to the kitchen for another drink and was bussing the table on my way, only to discover once I got there that the dishwasher was done and clean. I started emptying the dishwasher, despite being thoroughly puzzled by how they organised their cupboards. At some point S and T realised what I was doing and I overheard them discussing it. S was actually somewhat disturbed by my actions, however T was dismissive and amused. "He just smoked some project weed," she shrugged. At that point, S marched into the kitchen and brusquely interrupted my unloading with a terse suggestion to desist. I was on the home stretch, and so focussed on the task that I failed to appreciate the gravity of his displeasure, and I essentially ignored his instructions and armed myself with what looked to be the penultimate handful from the dishwasher. S was extremely agitated and, snapping the flatware from my hand, dispatched me definitively to bed with a reminder of our early morning wakeup call.
But the best was yet to come. Upon arriving in my ground-floor bedroom and getting tucked in for my repose, I was at first alarmed and then amused by the sound of cupboard drawers slamming and dishes clanking as S forcefully and deliberately undid the damage of the disarray my intoxicated obsession had wrought on his kitchen.
As I said I was initially alarmed by the inhospitable mood I had evidently engendered in my host. But quickly enough I had a realisation - this was not about me, but rather about him. This is such a huge lesson for me and yet another wonderful and delightful part of the beauty of authenticity: when you know that you are OK, you do not need to own the dysfunctional behaviour of others. It can be very tempting to blame oneself and get down on oneself for something which on the surface may appear to be regrettable behaviour, but in the end is really just someone else's problem. Someone is just trying to make it all about them, and when that happens the best thing to do is let them do it, ride it out - continue to be dignified and respectful and this too shall pass. Becoming unnecessarily and overly contrite is not actually doing anyone any favours, but is in fact the selfish response, because then you are simply trying to make it all about you when in fact it has little to do with you.
It takes a deft touch and a leap of faith to step back and let it happen but it works.
When people take it upon themselves and make it all about themselves in a demonstrable way such as what happened, you let that go and you sleep well and then you go sailing with them in the morning. Whether they are apologetic as a result or whether they are bitter about it is a matter of the nuance of their chosen coping mechanism. What you can control is you and the best you can do is continue your endeavour to make yourself the best person you can be.
But the best was yet to come. Upon arriving in my ground-floor bedroom and getting tucked in for my repose, I was at first alarmed and then amused by the sound of cupboard drawers slamming and dishes clanking as S forcefully and deliberately undid the damage of the disarray my intoxicated obsession had wrought on his kitchen.
As I said I was initially alarmed by the inhospitable mood I had evidently engendered in my host. But quickly enough I had a realisation - this was not about me, but rather about him. This is such a huge lesson for me and yet another wonderful and delightful part of the beauty of authenticity: when you know that you are OK, you do not need to own the dysfunctional behaviour of others. It can be very tempting to blame oneself and get down on oneself for something which on the surface may appear to be regrettable behaviour, but in the end is really just someone else's problem. Someone is just trying to make it all about them, and when that happens the best thing to do is let them do it, ride it out - continue to be dignified and respectful and this too shall pass. Becoming unnecessarily and overly contrite is not actually doing anyone any favours, but is in fact the selfish response, because then you are simply trying to make it all about you when in fact it has little to do with you.
It takes a deft touch and a leap of faith to step back and let it happen but it works.
When people take it upon themselves and make it all about themselves in a demonstrable way such as what happened, you let that go and you sleep well and then you go sailing with them in the morning. Whether they are apologetic as a result or whether they are bitter about it is a matter of the nuance of their chosen coping mechanism. What you can control is you and the best you can do is continue your endeavour to make yourself the best person you can be.
Sunday, June 3, 2012
It will take a lot longer if you wait until after you are dead
Our second night at S and T's was an in night, and they barbequeued and had several guests over. It was not a particularly late night and soon enough the four of us were installed in the den, each person with his or her chosen electronic device, surfing, blogging and what have you.
T mentioned she was a rollerskater, which got me thinking and talking about this movie I remembered from the early 80s era called Xanadu. I asked her if she had seen it and although she had not, she must have heard something about it and asked if it had been the "one with Fred Astaire". Although I said yes originally, it turns out we both made the same error and the actor/dancer in question was Gene Kelly, in his final feature role. It turned out that she was a bit of a tap dance aficionado and while she did not look up any Olivia Newton-John, she took charge of the demonstration and lead us encouragingly through several clips of the most impressive tap dancers leading eventually and inevitably to Michael Jackson (or MJ as she referred to him). At one point she said sighingly, "I would love to learn to tap dance. But it just takes so much time." To which I responded "it will take a lot longer if you wait until after you are dead." J started cackling hysterically and the sharpness of this retort was lost neither on him nor on my interlocutor. Only minutes before J had shared a couple of tokes with me in the back yard, and was as stoned as I was, which was pretty damnded stoned despite my strict adherence to the three-puff rule which had guided me well and only let me down when I strayed from it since I adopted it...back...well, I forget.
It will take a lot longer indeed. It was one of the simplest examples of my new evangelism and it made J laugh hysterically and repeatedly, with not one or two but several incredulous outbursts. It was a clever line and as delighted as I was to see that T got it, I was infinitely more delighted to see that J got it and got it so well.
T mentioned she was a rollerskater, which got me thinking and talking about this movie I remembered from the early 80s era called Xanadu. I asked her if she had seen it and although she had not, she must have heard something about it and asked if it had been the "one with Fred Astaire". Although I said yes originally, it turns out we both made the same error and the actor/dancer in question was Gene Kelly, in his final feature role. It turned out that she was a bit of a tap dance aficionado and while she did not look up any Olivia Newton-John, she took charge of the demonstration and lead us encouragingly through several clips of the most impressive tap dancers leading eventually and inevitably to Michael Jackson (or MJ as she referred to him). At one point she said sighingly, "I would love to learn to tap dance. But it just takes so much time." To which I responded "it will take a lot longer if you wait until after you are dead." J started cackling hysterically and the sharpness of this retort was lost neither on him nor on my interlocutor. Only minutes before J had shared a couple of tokes with me in the back yard, and was as stoned as I was, which was pretty damnded stoned despite my strict adherence to the three-puff rule which had guided me well and only let me down when I strayed from it since I adopted it...back...well, I forget.
It will take a lot longer indeed. It was one of the simplest examples of my new evangelism and it made J laugh hysterically and repeatedly, with not one or two but several incredulous outbursts. It was a clever line and as delighted as I was to see that T got it, I was infinitely more delighted to see that J got it and got it so well.