Haunted

Predictably, I did not "go for it" last night and instead went home and had a
solitary supper in my bed in front of the TV. LD reminds me that I have much to offer, I just don't know what it is going to take for me to accept it and start to enjoy living my life. I just feel so completely lost, and hollow.

I had a very difficult time falling asleep last night, was awake until after 4.
I kept trying to read myself to sleep and closing my eyes but then once they
were closed I would start thinking all my destructive thoughts and would wake up
so much that I had to read again to get my thoughts off of everything. This is
actually not that uncommon recently.

In the end I was obviously not sufficiently distracted and I awoke this morning
from a long elaborate dream about S. and V. I cannot escape these thoughts of
her, she haunts me every day and every night.