Faisant le Bilan

In an entry from October of last year, I outlined the projects I was working on to improve myself and finally take charge of my life. Little did I know at the time just how far I was going to fall before I rose up to the challenges of all of those projects. And now I find myself approaching Labour Day, and soon afterward the anniversary of that post, and I think it is time for a reckoning of how far I have come and how far I have to go.

1. I am not my brain. This project has been an almost unqualified success. While it took a couple of months to get to where I needed to be, I got there. The reason I say almost, however, is that I have experienced a bit of a mood setback in the past couple of weeks, which is of course the real test of this technique. While I have been experiencing persistent negative thoughts, I have been using the techniques I learned successfully, I think, to arrest the potential descent into actual depression. Grade: B+
2. Kicking the Validation Habit. It has been an incredible year for my self-esteem. I have been able, through conscious effort, to approach people and situations with energy and confidence. I have learned to not take ownership of other people's shame, embarrassment, and discomfort. I have recognised, acknowledged and remedied (although certainly not eliminated) many of my habitual indulgences. I have identified a model - the Class Act - which I strive to follow and I have become adroit at instinctively and reflexively governing myself accordingly. I have made dramatic improvements in some key areas of my life (living arrangements, wardrobe, vehicle, social life, sex life), while failing to make any progress or even losing ground in others (career, health). While I have had tremendous success in engaging new people, I have not yet been able to extend it to a permanently elevated network of friends and colleagues. I have had some success with small projects such as at my father's cottage, and with some trips such as attending a conference on the west coast in the spring, and more recently my nephew's wedding. I have tried but not managed to become "a man with a plan", as advised by my life coach OW. Grade: B
3. FSM. I am confident, I am grounded, and I am emotionally connected. I am a superior man, who lives a life of integrity, authenticity and freedom. I know the kind of man I want to be, and I am become that man. I do not yet know the legacy I want to have, the real purpose of my life. Grade: B+
4. Rear-view Mirror. As I have pointed out in previous posts, I escaped the Freudian therapist and was fortunate enough to find a therapist who, after listening for perhaps a quarter of an hour or maybe only ten minutes, was convincing in his dismissal of the rear-view mirror approach. We looked backed, interestingly enough, but not to the miserable past but rather the joyful one, and spent some time reviewing life as a child, in celebration but not lamentation, with an eye the whole time to the future and not the past. If I look back now, it is for inspiration, not nostalgia. Grade: A+
5. Rock Star. This one is still only beginning. There have been some encouraging and exciting developments along this path, and there are miles to go. I continue to work with LB and with others and the authenticity I have discovered I can live by enables me to continue to develop in this direction. It is somewhat hampered in the same way as #2 and #3 are hampered, in that I still lack a coherent vision and purpose for my life. But it has nonetheless been several great strides forward with no appreciable decay. Grade: B