Struggle

I struggled last year after I sold my house. I kind of felt like I knew it was the right thing to do, but nonetheless I felt lost and unsure. I thought I might use the proceeds to buy a new one, but I did not. I moved in to my sister's basement, I rented a furnished place, I rented a condo-alternative kind of flat, and I suffered miserably in all of the above.

At the same time I struggled through a series of therapies and therapists, hoping to find the magic bullet which would snap me out of the misery and self-loathing in which I was trapped. I went to my GP and among several recommendations I found myself seeing a rather obtuse Freudian-style psychoanalyst for several months. I remember riding to our appointments on my motorcycle, and then sitting in his office and bawling my eyes out and feeling completely lost, and gone, and done.

I tried some other random therapists, CBT, IPT, I was open to anything. I looked them up in the yellow pages and paid them cash.

I spent hours and hours at the local outlet of my chosen bookstore chain. I bought dozens of books and yet kept going back for more and more. I remember one time realising that the only place in the world I felt comfortable was in the self-help section of my bookstore, and I would go there every night for hours on end.

When I realised that I was not going to reinvest in a house any time soon, I asked my bank manager to set me up with a financial advisor. I remember my first visit with LT, I was miserable and self-loathing. After she had organised my investments and whatnot she asked me "is there anything else I can help you with?", to which I replied that I was very depressed and asked her if she could recommend a therapist. That turned out to be one of the more fortuitous spontaneous outbursts for me in recent memory, as it turned out she had a very solid recommendation for me. LT told me that she was going through a divorce, and she recommended that I see WC, someone who had been very helpful for her.