New Narrative

This was actually a homework assignment given to me by my life coach, LD, before the holiday season, after I shared with her my dread about the inevitable catching up with friends, family, colleagues and the like which accompanies the festive season.
I was horrified at the thought of having to account for my situation and how it is has changed in the past year. I feel like I have regressed so much in that time and my narrative was an accurate illustration of that sentiment: I am alone, cut off from my girlfriend, her son, her cat. I sold my house and moved somewhere I despise, and lost my cat. I am almost never seeing any friends, feeling either too depressed and ashamed to see people, or else deciding that they are not really good friends and are in fact toxic to my well-being. I am cut off from my father and the rest of my family, having actively chosen an agressively confrontational stance with him in the wake of my relationship collapse. I am not going out, not working, not enjoying anything, not going anywhere, not planning anything interesting, etc.

She instructed me to compose a new narrative to replace the shameful one I was hung up on, in order that I would be comfortable enough to attend and to converse with people and not be so afraid of them asking me how things were going for me.

In fact however I did not manage to get my homework done in time, and not only did I not hand it in, I also ducked out on attending all of the events and instead spent the holidays alone in my uncomfortable apartment, isolated, lost and despondent, lying in bed, eating frozen pizza and drinking can after can of diet cranberry soda. I missed the annual Xmas party at H's, which I have not missed in over 20 years and which is only a couple of blocks from my house. I skipped Xmas eve dinner at J's, which she was extremely upset about. I skipped Xmas day at LD's, despite her earnest attempts to convince me of the safety of attending. I carried that through to the next day when I again ignored her invitations to join her and her husband and friend at her place, and finished up by no-showing at my own family Xmas dinner at my mother's house.

The exercise was supposed to produce a set of positive and encouraging talking points for me to use in place of these negative ones:
- I am struggling
- This year has been an incredible challenge
- I have encountered and foundered upon significant obstacles
- I have been very depressed and unstable
- I am isolated from my friends and family and devoid of a support system.

Here is what I came up with:
- I am heading in a new direction with my life.
- I have a few projects on the go.
- I am refocussing on what is important
- I am getting in touch with my authentic self
- I am making a fresh start with a new beginning
- I have made some positive changes in my life and am continuing to make more
- I am optimistic about the future
- This is an exciting time for me.
- The possibilities are numerous if not endless
- I am getting to know myself in a profound way.

What a load of horseshit it reads like when I look at it now.