Felicity is not an end in and of itself

I am a man with a plan. My plan, thus far, is to have a plan. A plan is that which has eluded me thus far in my life, and thus far in this, 2012, the year of my rejuvenation, the plan has been to achieve happiness. And I achieved that, I had an incredible spring and summer, six months of building bridges in my family, meeting new friends, solidifying old friendships, undoing years of neglect and undergoing an unprecedented personal transformation.

Imagine my surprise when I realised that felicity is not an end in and of itself.

Labour Day

As the summer has worn on, despite a lingering and increasing sense of dissatisfaction with my career and with my life, I allowed to myself that August is no time for pondering such things and summarily deflected that task and those woeful thoughts until Labour Day. And now that day has arrived and I sit (lay, actually, in my hammock on the verandah at my father's cottage) and try to force myself to confront that which I have, through a combination of denial and procrastination, thus far avoided.

The fact is, that despite the terrific progress I have made this year in many aspects of my life, I have definitely slowed or stalled. The summer, which started out so terrifically and exciting - new apartment, new car, new foundation with my family, and a spectacular trip to the west coast - is over, limping to the finish line following a second, less animated west coast journey.

While I suppose I am not surprised that I no longer feel like King Midas, it is nonetheless disappointing. Thankfully I am now blessed with a much-improved set of tools for minimising the potential damage of mood de-elevation. My experience in the past year has taught me some important things, particularly that the only thing which stands between where I am and where I want to be is me.