Dizzying Heights & the Midas Touch

While the dizzying heights I reached during the months following the breakup were exhilarating, they were also, naturally, dizzying, and it was thus perhaps inevitable that I would find myself stalling and falling back to earth. The big danger is of course a total crash, and while I seem frequently to have come frighteningly close to one of those, I have thankfully always managed to avoid it. I read something recently - I think it was in a New Yorker story - where the person remarks how easy it is when one is finally happy after a long period of sadness to fall into the trap of thinking that one has found the answer and that one will never be sad again. Well I fell for it, again. I tell myself that each time I am better equipped at dealing with the darkness, but I am never sure about that really, and in any case it is too early too tell - the proof is in the pudding, and right now it is more like morass than dessert.
Focus on the future and going forward, and do not dwell on the past.
I undertook to consciously rebuild myself in preparation for the new life - the purposeful life. I made an appointment with my GP, thinking a physical would be a sensible component of a fresh start. I readily agreed to the request to wait a few weeks rather than be squeezed in as I felt no rush. Of course by the time I got in to see him on Wednesday, I had started to wobble and in the end our meeting was devoted almost exclusively to discussing my psychological health. This was not extraordinary as he has always functioned as my first line mental health care worker, meeting with me before recommending some of the other people and places I have visited on my bumpy road. He now had the added insight of having S. and V. as patients, not to mention having the file his partner kept for the handful of couples counselling sessions S. and I had attended when I still hoped to find a "together" solution to our pain.
I told Dr. R. about how I had soared so high like an eagle in the initial days and weeks, how I felt like I had the Midas Touch, and how somehow I had slipped and how suddenly everything seemed to be turning to lead instead of gold. I explained that I was feeling more comfortable with and even confident in using cognitive techniques à la Dr. Burns, such as identifying cognitive distortions in my thinking. He was very positive and made me feel like I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, that I might have finally lassoed the black dogs and all that was left to do was learn the final delicate tricks of keeping them thus at bay.