Blue Monday

My sister K. asked me this morning how I was, where I was on the downer scale, from 1 to 10. I told her three, but subsequently I would estimate it more like a two.

Feelings are not reality. That has been my mantra since last week, courtesy of LD, who wrote that, and more, in a very helpful email to me in which she also invited me, when I am ready, to engage with her in a "visioning" exercise. Right now it is so hard to see the light. And yet even in these bleak days I have had occasional good ones, where my mood was completely the opposite. And it is just as hard when I am up like that to remember what it feels like to be down like this, as it is now to even imagine a future where I am happy.